


So Much More

by Kienova



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Post-Episode: s01e22 Beginning of the End, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-10
Updated: 2018-01-10
Packaged: 2019-03-02 23:52:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13329075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kienova/pseuds/Kienova
Summary: Any semblance of calm that she had regained crumbled almost immediately, her sobs escalating again as she slapped a hand against the tiles.“Jemma… what did he tell you?”“That I was more than a friend to him.”





	So Much More

It wasn’t the movement that alerted her to there being something wrong, but rather the way it occured. It wasn’t a slow amble, nor a mad dash, but it was stilted, shaky in a way that wasn’t normal. Skye followed Jemma when she saw the other woman fleeing from the sickbay where she had taken up residence since their arrival at the Playground more than a week before, seldom leaving Fitz’s side unless absolutely necessary. She had seemed convinced that something was going to go wrong if she so much as moved from the hard plastic chair she had claimed for herself soon after the rest of the remaining team had arrived, despite there being no indication of Fitz improving or desaturating. Unlike the normal cautious but calculated, if sometimes a little clumsy, movements Jemma made, these were hurried and disjointed, her fists clenched at her sides until she wrenched a door open at the end of the hallway, disappearing into the room. 

“Jemma?” Skye asked, opening the door and peering around the edge. Jemma was crumpled on the floor, arms wrapped around her ribs as sobs wracked her body. Taking in the sight before her, Skye realised that this was the first time she had seen Jemma react beyond simple responses and faked optimism regarding Fitz’s condition. The scientist didn’t respond, curling harder in on herself, white-knuckled, as she tried to stop the way her body was trembling. Cringing with hesitancy, Skye crossed the few feet to stand next to her, the door snicking shut quietly, secluding them in the stark room. “Jemma, what happened?” There was an awkward pause after Skye posed the query, the sound of Jemma’s cries the only thing echoing around the plain, white walls and steel tables. 

“He tried to kiss me,” Jemma wept, her voice thick in the otherwise silent room. “I… he had… he told me I was… that he… and he was trying to get me to take the last of the oxygen and leave him and I…” she had to stop, gasping for breath until she could calm down slightly. “I didn’t want to leave him. I couldn’t even fathom the thought. I was… I kissed his face. His temple, his cheek. He... the last kiss… he tried to turn into it...I didn’t even realise. He was giving up his  _ life  _ for me and I couldn’t even give him a real kiss.” Any semblance of calm that she had regained crumbled almost immediately, her sobs escalating again as she slapped a hand against the tiles. 

“Jemma… what did he tell you?”

“That I was more than a friend to him.”

“You didn’t… you don’t feel the same way and it’s okay that you didn’t kiss him,” Skye tried, watching a fresh wave of sorrow covering the scientist’s face. 

“But I do!” Jemma rushed, breathing laboured as she tried to force words out. “He was giving up his life for me and I couldn’t afford him that? I couldn’t just… stop being scared of… of  _ everything  _ and give him that tiny piece of myself? I didn’t even get to say goodbye,” she hiccuped, doubling over as she started crying even harder. Skye bit her lip, kneeling down to rub Jemma’s back, desperately trying to think of a way to make it better. “H-he hit the button b-before I could say goodbye. And… and now I - oh God, what if-” 

“What can I do? What do you need?”

“I just want Fitz.” The words felt like a kick to the stomach, Skye’s chest clenching hard at the admission. 

“I know,” she offered softly, giving up on her simple ministrations to curl herself over Jemma’s back, hugging her tightly despite the extremely awkward position they were in on the floor. She could feel Jemma shaking fiercely beneath her, sobs wracking her slight frame as she gasped for breath. She wondered when the last time Jemma had eaten was, not to mention the last time she had slept. But her biggest worry was wondering if this was the first time Jemma had actually succumbed to her emotions, seeming so stricken with them that she couldn’t stop crying. 

“How c-could he think that- that I would leave him there? T-that I would let him die alone?” She wept. “I couldn’t. I didn’t want him to be alone. I can’t be without him.” Skye felt her struggling then, sitting back on her haunches as Jemma pushed herself shakily to her feet, barely making it to the sink in the corner of the room before she started to vomit, ribs heaving with the effort. Scrunching up her nose, Skye went to stand behind her, tugging the loose strands of hair out of her face as Jemma retched, little more than bile being expelled from her body. 

“When was the last time you ate?” Skye questioned, rubbing circles into Jemma’s shoulders, her concern growing at how prominent the bones felt beneath her fingertips, one hand gripping Jemma’s arm to keep her upright. 

“I can’t keep anything down,” Jemma admitted when her stomach stopped rebelling, leaning her forehead against the edge of the sink as she turned on the tap with trembling fingers. Skye noted the way her skin had lost elasticity, her cheeks sunken. She tried to calm herself with the cool steel before standing just enough to spoon some water into her mouth with her hand, spitting it back into the sink after swishing it about, shaking as she tried not to gag again. 

“You’re dehydrated.” It wasn’t a question; Skye’s analysis a heavy conviction in the room at the way Jemma’s face was still dry despite the amount of sobbing she had been doing. Jemma glanced up at her, eyes red and nearly swallowed by the deep circles beneath. She went to object before a shuddering sigh escaped her. 

“I can’t… I can’t think without him. I can’t… I can’t do anything,” Jemma stumbled, sagging against Skye when the younger woman wrapped an arm around her, slowly leading her out of the room and back towards the med bay. 

“C’mon,” Skye whispered, keeping tight to Jemma’s side as she guided her.

May was standing at the other end of the hallway, a concerned expression on her face as she took in the slow, unsteady gait of the biochemist and the way the hacker was trying to keep her on her feet. With a decisive nod, the specialist ducked into an empty room, only to move almost immediately back across the hall into Fitz’s with another gurney. Skye cocked her head to the side at the action but Jemma didn’t take notice, silently crying still as she was led into the room where May was moving things about, latching the empty bed against Fitz’s cot. 

“Get on,” May said, her voice brokering no argument the minute the younger women cleared the doorway. “You need to sleep Simmons.” 

“I’m -” she started to protest. 

“If the next word out of you is ‘fine’ I will have someone come down here to give you a psych eval and a sedative. Get your ass on the bed and sleep.” Jemma blinked at her for a moment before letting out a hiccuping sob, using Skye’s arm to help her keep balance as she crawled onto the empty bed. As she went to pull of Jemma’s shoes, Skye looked frantically at May. 

“She’s really dehydrated,” Skye hissed, glad for Jemma’s exhausted preoccupation with nudging herself just the tiniest bit closer to the comatose man, trembling fingers coming to rest on his arm. May glanced over at Jemma before nodding, crossing the room for another IV and a needle. She didn’t give the prone woman time to react before she was sliding the needle beneath Jemma’s skin, hooking up the IV. Jemma blinked owlishly at her for a moment before a shuddering breath escaped her, her body trembling. May sighed, pushing Jemma’s hair back out of her face as she regarded her. 

“What’s he gonna say when he wakes up and you’ve nearly killed yourself from not eating or drinking, let alone sleeping? Hm?” May asked softly. Jemma didn’t respond, curling closer to Fitz but cautious of the IV in her arm, her head resting on his bed instead of her own as she closed her eyes. Skye tugged a blanket from the closet, lying it over the other woman before following May’s head tilt and heading into the hall. 

“How bad is it?” Skye demanded almost instantly. May shook her head. 

“I’ve seen worse. In countries where drought is rampant,” May responded honestly. “She needs to sleep and eat something.” 

“She says she can’t keep anything down,” Skye explained, rubbing at her elbow nervously as she crossed on arm over her chest. 

“Probably from the dehydration and low blood sugar. I’ll see if I can get some ondansetron if she’s still suffering from nausea after the IV.” 

“I don’t think anything will help until he wakes up.” Skye sighed, looking through the glass wall at how Jemma was curled around Fitz’s side, desperate to be near him but scared of touching him, even in the slumber she had almost immediately succumb to. 

“We’ve still got to try something,” May said in reply, giving Skye’s shoulder a squeeze before heading off, her phone in her hand as she sent off a text. Skye let out a breath, staring at the ceiling for a moment before slipping back into the room, taking up residence in the chair Jemma had been occupying for almost nine days. She didn’t move until May came to get her around two in the morning, her firm grip landing on Skye’s shoulder as she nudged her protégé off to bed. 

XxX

When Fitz woke up the next morning, eyes blinking open slowly, the first thing he saw was Jemma curled up next to him, her lashes dark against her pale skin and her fingers fisted in his hospital gown, the IV firmly affixed to the back of her hand. 

“J-Jems?” he rumbled, body feeling heavy and exhausted, one arm in a cast while the other struggled to rise enough off the bed to touch her. Her eyes fluttered open a second later, still red from how much crying she had done the evening before and throughout the night, tears soaking his pillow as she had been rehydrated. 

“H-hi,” she hiccuped, sitting up shakily until she could cup her palm against his cheek, lashes dampening almost immediately as she watched how he tracked her every movement with sleepy blue eyes. 

Before she could talk herself out of it, she leaned forward, pressing a delicate kiss to his lips, tears sliding down her nose until the splashed onto his cheeks. She rested her forehead against his when she broke away a moment later, hearing the heart monitor pick up in tempo at her actions. She let out a watery laugh, eyes squeezed shut as she took a deep breath, knowing she couldn’t shy away from what she needed to tell him. She had promised herself she would say what she meant to beneath the ocean when he woke up. 

“Fitz...You’re more than my best friend too. So much more.”

**Author's Note:**

> I have watched the pod scene more times than is probably healthy (so say my teenage coworkers who have caught me in the corner with my phone more than once while I tear up at it) and literally it looks so much like Fitz tries to turn into the last kiss Jemma gives him but that he just couldn't bring himself to fully do it. I just... yeah. Had to write that out from Jemma's perspective post-episode. 
> 
> Thanks for reading! <3
> 
> Come visit me on [Tumblr](http://www.kienova66.tumblr.com) if you want to chat :)


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